


Beacon Beauty Standards

by Titanmaster_117



Category: RWBY
Genre: Crack, Discussion of clothing, Gen, Hardly anyone ever changes their outfits, No armour or anything, Nor any signs of physical fitness, Nothing but crack, Or wears any practical clothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why has nobody called this out yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27406627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titanmaster_117/pseuds/Titanmaster_117
Summary: Jaune and Ren have a thoughtful discussion of the female beauty standards and choices of clothing in Beacon...
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	Beacon Beauty Standards

"Hey Ren?"

"Yes Jaune?"

"Why are all of the women in this school so hot?"

Ren looked up from his book, blinked, and then looked over to Jaune, sitting on his bed with an earnest expression on his face, and asked, "What?"

"Like, you know, all of the women in this school. They're hot. Even Miss Goodwitch", he paused, and then rubbed his chin, "I mean, especially Miss Goodwitch..."

Ren arched an eyebrow, "Your point?"

"Yeah, why are they all so hot?"

"...As in attractive?"

"Well, for lack of a subtler understanding of it, yes."

The R in JNPR blinked again, and then asked, "May I ask as to what spurs this question?"

"Oh, sure, go ahead."

"..."

"Oh wait, you mean- Ah, right", he rubbed the back of his head, "Well, I was just thinking back to before I got on the airship to Beacon-"

"The one in which you threw up on Yang's shoes?"

"Oh, no, that was before- Wait, how did you know about that?"

"Yang."

"Ah, right", Ren gestured to him to continue, "Right, well, I was just thinking back to before I got onto the airship, and I had to ask the flight attendant there if that was actually the airship to Beacon?"

"And why is that?"

"Because I thought that it was an airship to a school of supermodels."

"Ah, I see."

"Ren", Jaune's face grew serious, which was amusing because he was talking about a not so serious subject, "Seriously, have you noticed how all of the women in this school are supermodels?"

"Hm..."

"I mean, like, seriously, don't tell me you haven't noticed how all of the outfits that the girls wear seemed to be specifically designed to express their feminine features, like their hips and butts and stuff."

"Ruby's doesn't."

"Ren, it's Ruby."

Ren nodded. Point taken.

"Hm...", strangely enough, what he was saying made sense. A lot of sense, now that he thought about it. Aside from Nora, he had never really paid attention to the feminine aspects of the women around him, but now that he really gave it some thought, "Now that I think about it, a lot of the women around us are exceedingly attractive."

"Exactly! Why is that? I mean, with Pyrrha, I can understand, since she's apparently a celebrity or something, or- Or whatever, but why everybody else? I mean, there's Nora- Okay, okay, I'll back off", he held his hands up in surrender at Ren's sudden glare, "Okay, but then there's Yang, which practically hugs her and shows off her chest, thighs, and waist, and then there's Coco, with her fashionista look, and then there's Velvet, what with her cuteness personified look, and then there's Blake, to which I needn't say anymore."

Ren nodded in turn. Just everything about Blake's attire oozed sexuality, so much so that just saying her name gave you enough of a mental image to work with.

"My point is, is that even the lesser hot girls in this academy, are still able to beat out a traditional supermodel on an average Tuesday!" Jaune threw up his hands in exasperation at it all, "I mean, you know, I don't think I've seen one less than average, or even one average attractive woman in this entire school! Like, seriously, is that another part of a Huntress' training: That they need to be super hot models?"

Ren paused. That... Might actually be possible.

"And another thing!" Jaune threw up a finger in exclamation, "Why aren't there any traces of muscle on these women?"

"...Come again?"

"Like, you've seen Nora, right?"

"Right?"

"Is she like, really buff under that skirt or something?"

"...Do I have to answer this question?"

"Er, no, it was- It was meant to be rhetorical", Jaune coughed awkwardly, "Sorry", and then recovered herself and went, "But if you did answer that question, then the answer would be 'No', because I do not see a trace of muscle on her! She wields that giant hammer around for fun, and yet her arms look like twigs! She should be built like a brickhouse!"

Ren invoked that image in his head, and then banished it before his blood could rush to his nose.

"And shouldn't Yang's arms be really muscular as well? Because she's a brawler. Her arms should be covered in muscle, and she should have a 6-pack on her waist! But do you see one?"

"...No?"

"Exactly!"

Ren thought about this, and realised that Jaune raised another point. Why did none of the girls here have any muscle on them? Coco's minigun folded into her purse, so for her to be able to carry all of that mass pressed into a small purse meant that she must have incredible upper body strength, and yet, there was not a hint of visible muscle on her, despite the fact that her arms should be covered in muscles. Hell, even Ruby should have muscles on her, considering that she wields a weapon such as Crescent Rose all of the time, and yet he was certain that he could pick her up and wave her around no problem.

"And then!" Jaune continued, "On top of that, why does nobody else here wear armour!?"

"...Come again... Again?"

"Like, c'mon", Jaune sighed out, "No one else here is wearing armour."

"Armour?"

"Like, y'know, this stuff", he tapped his armoured chest, "The stuff that stops you from getting shot. Or stabbed, and stuff. I mean, it's like they think that they're not going to get shot to stabbed sometime in their career! They're Huntsmen and Huntresses for gods' sake, not supermodels! You'd think that they'd have at least Kevlar underneath their outfits or something."

"Well, we do have aura, Jaune."

"Yeah, but that isn't going to protect us all of the time! I mean, I'm the only one out of the 8 of us in JNPR and RWBY that wears armour! I mean, so does Team CRDL, I guess, but they're not exactly the best examples, so... Yeah."

"Jaune, you're not even wearing a full set."

"At least it's better than nothing."

"Hm", he supposed that he had a point. Still though, "I think it's all about different fighting styles, I suppose. If I wore armour, then it would probably weigh me down, since I'm a fast paced attacker."

"Then get Kevlar", Ren gave him a look, "Or at least something lightweight... Just saying, I'd rather not you get shot and die at some point", he plopped down into his seat, "Dang it why do all of the girls wear such impractical outfits..."

Ren moved back to reading his book, "Maybe you should ask them."

"Ha, nope. One time I asked my older sister Saphron about her outfits, and she threatened to punt me across the room if I did so ever again. All I asked was why she wore such a short skirt. I still don't know what I did wrong."

Ren shook his head, "Women are a strange beast onto themselves, Jaune."

His team leader sighed, "True, true", he rubbed his head, and then came out with, "I'm just saying, one of these days, a Huntsman or Huntress or Hunter or whatever is going to come across us, take one look at our outfits, and think that we're all supermodels and not Huntsmen and Huntresses."

Ren smiled, "Well, I'm sure that will never happen."

* * *

"Alright then, Huntsmen and- Er, where are all of the Huntsmen and Huntresses?"

Team RWBY and JNPR looked over each other, and then one of them said, "Here."

The Huntsman and Huntress before them, both of them completely covered in full sets of armour, looked to each other, and then looked back, "Where?"

"In front of you!"

"I don't see any Huntsmen and Huntresses, I just- Oh, no wait, there's one. There's one right there, he's got armour on", the Huntsman then patted Jaune on the shoulder, and said, "C'mon, kid, let's go kill some Grimm!"

"Oh, cool."

The Huntsman began to lead Jaune away, and the rest of RWBY and JNPR began to follow, but the armoured Huntress stopped them and pointed a thumb in the opposite direction, "Hey, the fashion show is that way!"

"Excuse me?" Weiss asked.

"You heard me, lady. This is no place for civilians, much less supermodels."

"Hey, we're not supermodels!" Yang called out in indignation, "We might look like supermodels, but we're Huntresses like-"

"Oh goddammit, all of the goddamn time- You're not even wearing any armour! You're not wearing anything to stop you from getting stabbed or shot! Why is it that you supermodels are always trying to join us!? Is there like a dare going on or something?"

"Hey, we are Huntresses-"

"And Huntsmen", Ren added.

"-As much as you!" Ruby protested, "And we are going with you, wherever you like it or not!"

The Huntress then looked at them, quirked an eyebrow, and then turned to the side, "Security!"

And then the 7 of them were punted off of the premises.

"And stay out! Freakin' supermodels, all of the goddamn time..."

Yang looked up off of the floor, and then blinked, "Did- Did we just get cockblocked from killing Grimm?"

 _Huh_ , Ren thought to himself, _I guess it did happen after all..._

**Author's Note:**

> Don't pretend that you haven't thought about it...


End file.
